Haven't posted lately, didn't even realize! Might be due to the fact that I have a special visitor here and we've been busy meandering around the city and sampling all the croissants and cafe con leche that Barcelona has to offer. It's wonderful to have Mack here; he's met some of my friends, gone to the beach and we're speaking a mixture of Spanish/English to each other which I absolutely love. We still have loads of time to explore since he's here til Wednesday, I'm so glad!
A brief recap of my week:
Last Monday Mack finally arrived after being delayed in Boston Logan airport and then again in Dublin airport for 7 hours, but he made it! We celebrated his first night with some patatas bravas( spicy potatoes) and some Estrella Damm, the local beer of Barcelona.
Tuesday we walked through La Rambla and La Boqueria food market all the way to the beach where we met up with my friend Sari and her bf Mike and ate on the beach, and then I went kicking and screaming to teach my English class while Mack frolicked on the beach again. We met up with a bunch of my friends at this cute ladybug bar where they give you a free tapa for every beer you drink. LOVELY.
Wednesday was one of my rough scheduled teaching days where I only have a few hours in between classes so Mack and I took it easy and made lunch at home and after my stupid 5 year old class we went to go meet up at La Oveja Negra (Black Sheep) with Sherry and Mircad who sadly left Barcelona on Thursday for California and Macedonia, respectively. It was wonderful, they're such an amazing couple, and I was able to get their advice on how best to deal with/handle the very exciting news that I'll write about in just a minute! We ended up then going to Obama bar, which is this British Africa bar with live music every night and stayed out until around 1ish, I was glad Mack got to see a bit of the Barcelona nightlife lifestyle, and of course got very sad saying goodbye to Sherry and Mircad as its just another goodbye. Cannot believe all the hello's and goodbye's that happen here in the span of a week!
So my big news happened on Thursday, when I had a startling revelation on the metro ride to work. I turned to Mack and basically asked, "um, why am I going to a job I hate when that's one of the reasons I left Boston and my previous job in the first place?" Then my mind started whirling as I realized as much as I've been trying to have a different outlook on teaching, and view it as a challenge to overcome, it's not even part of why I moved to Barcelona (I mean I guess it is in a sense, as something to support myself, but I have other options). I don't see why I should be miserable, even if just for a few hours a week, when I hate the job, it pays terrible, it leaves me little time to do things here I had planned to (such as Catalan classes, work on my Spanish, experience this fabulous city), especially if I'm not here for that much longer and would prefer to make the most of it. I went into the academy and ran into the director and told her outright that I have to leave the job, and before I could get a word in edgewise, she became so ANGRY and said "that's 4 changes we've had in teachers for your classes", which isn't my problem obviously but she was taking it out on me, and said she was so angry that I bailed on my teaching committment, and stormed out of the room. Okay..
I had to go back later that day to teach my last class and felt a mixture of guilt and elation on the way there ;guilt at bailing on this job but also elation at quitting it and realizing I was doing what was best for me in the end, and opening myself up to new experiences, like privately teaching students, etc. The director, Eva, asked me to come and talk to her and then she was all nicey nice, asking if I couldn't wait another month, and when I said no, she got angry but tried to mask it like she cared about why I was quitting. (I had said I was leaving, and she thinks I'm leaving the US, which I didn't dispute and keep feeling guilty about lying) Eva said that I can't get paid unless I personally come in to pick up the money, that one of my friends can't come and do it for me even though I signed an authorization sheet. I understand they're trying to make it hard for me and punish me a bit for quitting and it just reinforces the idea that they really just want a body to teach these classes. One of the other teachers, as i was leaving said to me, "wow those classes must be ridiculous as you're the 4th teacher to leave in 2 months!"
I told Sherry about it, as we had been discussing how I would quit if I did, and she had these amazing words of wisdom, " I know it's human nature (for good, nice people) to put off taking care of themselves and doing what they perceive will hurt someone else. I know you can feel the relief now that it's done. My advice is to remember THAT feeling and not the nervousness, guilt and trepidation you were feeling before. Doing so should help you not put up with misery in the future!"
I completely agree. Of course I was up half the night feeling guilty, wondering if I had made a mistake, but in the long run I'm so glad I did it, and proud of myself since confrontation sometimes makes me feel like I have to pee my pants. Onto the next phase!!
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